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New Stuff [Jul. 30th, 2004|01:37 am]
New time in my life...new journal.


Be there or be square! (even though it's hip to be square nowadays...)

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ode to the fading evening [Jul. 26th, 2004|01:33 am]
farewell...dear friend...for the night grows old...the world of what may come is calling me...the endless rolling hills of the dreams and the wonders...kissed with the glowing sunset rays, reminsicing of the blazing blue yonder and the place i long to be...farewell, dear friend...the morning draws ever nigh...

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ode to the fading evening [Jul. 26th, 2004|01:23 am]
farewell...dear friend...for the night grows old...the world of what may come is calling me...the endless rolling hills of the dreams and the wonders...kissed with the glowing sunset rays, reminsicing of the blazing blue skies and the place that i long to be...farewell, dear friend...the morning draws ever nigh...

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this is what it comes to... [Jul. 25th, 2004|11:37 pm]
[mood |anxious?]
[music |The Wondrous Cross]

i don't understand people...am i supposed to?

he lied to me. i don't know why, but i'm wondering if he thought he had something to hide? i actually started to trust him, and now i really wonder what's going on. he doesn't even know that i found out the truth. ack...i'm leaving in 2 weeks. and now i don't know what to say to him.

and another friend has also kept some major things from me...and i really would have liked to know them because it effects my feelings...and would have actually put me at peace. i had to find out through another (totally reliable) source that is just trying to look out for me. it hurts...it really does. because i didn't realize that people felt like they couldn't tell me things.

is it me?

why do people have to be dishonest? do they think i'm like all perfect and i'll somehow shun them if they tell me what's really going on? i though they knew me better than that...

i mean come on...i've lived and loved and moved on with a lot of faults of my own, and i think i've been as honest as possible with those close to me. and yes i've been hurt and had my feelings raked over the coals again and again...and i've had a hard time learning to trust.

but why now...when i feel that i've come past all those issues with people and feel that my friends and my life are all in line...why now? when i'm so close to leaving...does this have to happen?

i know the devil is trying to steal my peace...he knows he can't shake my decision to go to ORU. but now he's trying to shake my feelings...again. this is one of many attempts he's made to make me feel bad about myself or about others...and it's all old ghosts.


NO. it's not going to work! In the name of Jesus I am standing up for what i KNOW is true! God has put these friends in my life (imperfect as we all are) for a reason. And I will choose to see the good, just like my Father sees in me and in all of us. And I will forgive the bad and let my Lord heal the wounds it leaves.

You can't steal my joy, devil. Get out my house!


P.S. Sorry...I preach myself happy sometimes. ;) But hey...now ya know.
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esperar [Jul. 19th, 2004|11:31 pm]
things that make me free:

x. worshipping God
x. driving with the windows down and the music loud
x. playing piano
x. singing
x. hitting a line drive and running my heart out to first base!
x. laughing at absolutely nothing

pass it on and add to it, yo!

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Randomness is Bliss [Jul. 17th, 2004|01:45 am]
[mood |creative]
[music |My Immortal: Evanescence (sp?)]

hmm, i think i just made up a word on that subject line, but hey..it works.

*adpated from a conversation with efan*

me: i just feel saddened that there are people all around me that are so lost... they live in their world of this crazy beast called the mass media hammering into their heads what they should and shouldn't be, and it leaves them emptier and more confused than they were in the first place

efan: I fully concur. If that's where one looks for truth and fulfillment, regardless of political ideology, you will most definitely find it lacking.

me: word. even in the middle of a church, i see these people wandering...not realizing that there's so much more to life and God's plan than just this one place, or these certain people that they have come to know *sigh* but this is my calling...to kick some media butt for God

efan: I would say it's even better just to show how much better GOD is than anything this world has to offer

me: RIGHT! but see...through means of a Godly media...as an alternative. i've seen glimpses of what it could be, ya know? who says America has to go down the tubes with the media? the devil doesn't win in the end! why should he win now! i want to train to launch some sort of counter attack ya know?

*insert long-ish pause....*

me: duck !

efan: goose!

so there ya have it folks.

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jammin' [Jul. 9th, 2004|11:59 pm]
[music |Beautiful: Jeremy somethin' ...]

i just got done playing guitar with dave! he's one of the like 20 people that want to help me learn stuff on guitar. so far, my brother and him have gotten me going and given me some great stuff to work with.

it's strange...i'm used to being pretty versatile when it comes to music. and i understand what's happening with the guitar, and why a chord sounds like a chord, but i don't know HOW exactly to do it! and this time, it's something totally foreign to what my hands and muscles are used to, so it's like learning music all over again.

for something i've so comfortable and familiar with for so long, this is something that is challenging...but that i am really passionate about. word!

well, i think you all get the idea...:) i'm excited about my guitar (and playing it) so i'll stop jabberin' about it now!

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freedom fighter! [Jul. 3rd, 2004|01:48 am]
i bought a guitar today!!!

it's so everything i wanted, too! it's a middle-of-the-line takamine acoustic-electric...it has a real low, soft action and a rich sound, which is great since it's still brand new/not broken in. and it came with a pre-amp and a built in tuner!!! and i got a sweet hard shell case in the deal. (sorry if i lost some of you non-guitar geeks on that one...in other words, it was an awesome deal and a really nice guitar!)

and i spent all but $1.82 of what i budgeted for it. so that can go toward some picks ;) i'm going back to the shop i got it at soon to have this professional guy put in a knob for the strap. if i let the regular shop people do it, it would void the lifetime warranty on the guitar...sooo i think it's worth the extra trip to GR again!

my brother and my friend justin were with me, and they both thought it was a great guitar and a good deal. it was on sale, too. which is so a God thing because i was really hopin' for something to work out like that.

my long(ish) quest for the perfect guitar is over! *contented sigh*

Thank You Lord for never givin' up on me and putting a blessing right in my lap!

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gravity [Jul. 1st, 2004|08:04 pm]
[mood |firey]
[music |gravity: some newbie dude]

inspired by a conversation with justin, walkin' away from Summer Celebration...
to understand them
is to compromise
sometimes i feel i'm falling apart
underneath the weight of their judgemental words

if you had known me before
would you have joined the crowd
laughing at my struggle to find myself
never helping me when i fell

you think i'm naive
innocence is my middle name
and that i'll never know much of "life"
because you think i've never been hurt

and the life i've lived
the things i never saw
are things that i've learned to hide

but why?

here i stand
on my mountain
no reason
no question
no distraction
can make me let go
nothing can shake the Foundation
upon which i forever stand

so here i am
let the fire in my eyes
serve as the words
in the silence of day to day
moment to moment
heart to heart

this is what You've given me
and i'm going to live it with a passion

i'm not afraid anymore
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here goes [Jun. 28th, 2004|12:04 am]
in some way...i reach out
hoping to define
what it is that i feel
but some days
it's just...not enough

to be continued
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